Dear Parents…”Let your kid be a kid”

Over the past 18 years I’ve seen and heard a lot of things in golf. I’ve thought of a post or column like this for quite a while now, but some key issues have come about over the past couple of years for me to actually sit down and put some thoughts to the keyboard as it were. Let’s talk a little Junior Golf and Life Balance as a kid learning to play. I’m fairly Black & White about it, so please try not to take any offence to it and if you do well then that’s unfortunate, I guess I struck a nerve or perhaps you will have come to a self realization by the end?

“Life” Balance: I’m not sure whether it’s a cultural issue or just a work ethic but there must be some balance in the life of a junior golfer. They must not lose their childhood by trying to be something they’re not ready to be. They’re definitely not a touring professional and becoming one is a difficult task. Let me give you an example. The best Junior hockey players playing at the highest level before turning pro rarely make it to the NHL (National Hockey League), 20% end up being drafted and approximately 2% ever make it to the big league.  The percentage is even less in golf.  Practicing and working hard are keys to success and can certainly get you places without question, but you must have some balance in your life and make sure you consult with a/your coach accordingly. If you don’t have one seek out some advice.

Firstly, try setting some attainable goals, whether it’s to play in your first tournament, maybe win your club championship or progress and qualify for a National Amateur title.  It’s okay to have the dream or aspiration to have your child reach the pinnacle of the sport and I’m not saying that some juniors will never make it to the PGA Tour or LPGA Tour one day. What I am saying is trying to achieve stardom by 15,16,17, or even 18 is very rare.  We’ve seen some success with Sergio Garcia and Rory McIlroy or perhaps the resurgence of Justin Rose but they have been few and far between. Yes, the money is lucrative and enticing but is it worth it in the end? Maybe, if they make it, but if they struggle well, we’ve seen the results with Ty Tryon, The Finau brothers, Tadd Fujikawa, and limited success with Morgan Pressel (5 years and 2 wins) even Michelle Wie an anomaly. (5 years to obtain only her 2nd win) Are you seeing a pattern here?  It takes time, so, let your kid be a kid. Secondly, they need to go out and do the fun things they want to do in life, maybe it’s fishing with family, boating, skiing, being with their friends, going to the movies, going to a cottage and just relaxing or perhaps the best thing they can do is play/learn another sport.  Golf is not their job yet nor should it ever be thought of that way, the moment they  do, they’ve added unnecessary pressure.  However, I see a lot of kids treating it that way, by practicing 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, thus consuming their childhood.  The downfall to overworking a junior is that the sport doesn’t become “fun” anymore and they can quickly lose the passion. It often leads to burn out in an individual or even resentment in some cases towards the parents and they play just for the sake of doing it to please their parents or to make the people around them happy not because they like it or love it anymore.

Please keep this in mind when as a parent, you may “push” too hard, too often, which adds lots of pressure. By the way, anytime you throw out a negative comment it takes at least 100 positives to overcome that negative! Especially, when it comes from their heroes, yes, that’s you parents, they look up to you and have their entire short life. I’m not saying all parents are like this either.  I’ve seen some very good success stories in the past and of recent. This is merely an informational type of post in the hopes of perhaps opening a few eyes.

So, here are a few  beauties I’ve heard over the years: “that sucked, that’s embarrassing, you’re a disgrace, pathetic effort, how can you hit a shot like that or I could have hit that shot”  Yes, very inspiring!  Remember folks they’re still just kids in the end, they have to grow and go through a learning process.  If you belittle them or berate them to tears by yelling at them in the tone of voice they know as anger from you this devastates them and any confidence they did have, thus the waterworks. This is not coaching or the provision of a loving environment, it’s pure unnecessary criticism. This is an individual sport. There is no team and if you’re the caddie, you’re the glue that is supposed to hold the individual together, so get with the program, if you can’t, then become a spectator.

Finally, if you provide a balance of practice combined with developing certain skill sets and  managing realistic expectations for the level they’re playing at, it will generally lead to more success in the end because they want to do it, not because they have to do it. So, Dear Parents, Let your kid be a kid!

September 5, 2010 | Categories: Junior Golf, Korean Golf - Instruction | Tags: best golf instructors, clublink, CPGA, don't in golf, golf coaches in ontario, golf coaches in toronto, golf fitness, golf instruction in toronto, golf lessons in ontario, golf lessons in toronto, Jason Helman golf, junior Golf, score golf, swinkey golf, winning at golf, winning at life | Leave a comment